Tommy: “What you do, is you put your shoulder into her and you push.”
Tommy: “They fall over!”
Paul: “This doesn’t strike you as kind of… dumb?”
Tommy: “We’re family. We’re going to be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait ’til Christmas.”
Tommy: “You keep your feet shoulder width apart. Stay between the udder and hock. It’s a 32 belly option on two – on two. Hut! HUT!!”
We’ve all heard the story – a group of wildly inebriated fraternity boys (at least that’s what I picture when I think of this scenario) make their way out into a field in the middle of the night and sneak up on a heard of slumbering bovines. With beer in hand, they saunter over to Ol’ Bessie (who is still sound asleep at this point) and give her, Mabel and Elsie a nice shove, toppling them over like a pile of building blocks.
Contrary to popular belief, cows do not sleep standing up. Take a peak in any barn at night, and the only cow you’ll see standing is the one having a midnight snack. Everyone else will be laying down, quietly chewing their cud or snoozing.
Cows are herd animals and are naturally on guard against predators, especially at night. They will smell or hear you before you even have a chance to get close to them, and if they’re not familiar with you (and even if they are), you may just cause a stampede. Throw a bull into the mix, and you’re taking your life into your hands.
Even if you did manage to destabilize Daisy, unless you have the combined strength of an Olympian wrestling team, you’re never pushing over a full-size cow, which can way upwards of 1,500 lbs.
Save your energy for the greased pig contest!