Legend of the Moon Ring
Switzerland has weather sniffers. Punxsutawney has Phil. Around here, we have the Old Timer up the road who has a cat name Mr. Sh*thead and hates everyone.
Harvest moon and farming folklore
I think the old farmers knew a thing or two about the inner workings of Mother Nature. They were able to predict the weather, the movements of animals and planting and harvesting times, all by simply paying attention to the world around them. The old timer up the road (although full of bullsh*t most of…
Nobody wants a bee-hind full of nettles
Over the years, the old-timer-up-the-road has given me a lots of advice… albeit, mostly ridiculous advice, but advice nonetheless. “Never get involved with the mafia,” he whispered to me one day in the barn, peeking over the back of a cow. “Whaaaaat?” I replied incredulously, as my eyes rolled around a little. “Hush, girly,” was…
Frozen
The first winter weather of the season arrived as an ice storm today. Schools closed. Power lines came down. Roads iced over. And the old timer up the road slid his truck into a ditch. Despite the inconveniences caused by the storm, I cannot help but see the beauty of the ice.
Planting shallots
Shallots can be planted in the spring or fall. They require a dormant period of about 4 weeks right after planting with temperatures between 32 – 50 degrees. The the cool ground helps the formation of good bulbs. Fall planting should be done 4-6 weeks before the first freeze of the season. Fall planting yields…
A little sh*t never hurt no one
It was the old timer up the road on the other end of the phone line. “Where the hell is your husband?” he demanded to know. “Same place he is everyday at this time… at work,” I barked back. “Get up here right now and bring a flashlight and the roof rake (a 10 ft…
Hard apple cider and a cat named Mr. Sh*thead
Around here, autumn is heralded with the making of hard cider. The apples are pressed. The top secret ingredients are mixed in with the apple juice. Then, barrels upon barrels of cider are buried in the ground to work their magic over a year or more. If you are a hard cider master brewer, the…
Hold my underwear, I’ve got a cow in the road
I had just walked outside with a basket full of laundry to hang on the clothesline, when the old timer from up the road came roaring up the driveway. He needed baler twine because he was making some sort of trap to catch the “damn varmint” that was getting into his corn. I pointed him…
Your tomatoes are splitting because you’re an a**hole
I love to grow cherry tomatoes. But they would perplex me every year. Within minutes of picking them, I would have half a basket of split tomatoes. So when the old timer up the road ordered me to get up to his house to test his homemade wine, I made a mental note to pick…
The Farmers in the Dell 