The hell fires of menopause

menopause -

After spending another sleepless night due to night sweats, seemingly fueled by the eternal fires of hell, I drug my fatigued and sweaty body out of bed to face the day.  I turned on the TV to watch the news, and instead, was greeted by a commercial for a menopause supplement.  The spokesperson cheerfully told me to “embrace the change” and swallow a bunch of their pills and in no time at all… I would be a new woman.

Embrace hot flashes that are so bad that stripping down and being naked in public is really the only solution to quell the tiny nuclear detonation that occurs in my body.

Embrace drenching night sweats that make me look and feel like I’ve just run a marathon… in the middle of the night… in my nightgown and no underwear.

Embrace a screwed-up thyroid that has me choking down iodine pills and thinking about nibbling on the mineral block for the cows.

Embrace heart palpitations…


Embrace the change, huh?  What do you think – that I’m some overly-domesticated, apron-wearing, daft-headed Stepford wife?

Don’t think so… and f*ck off.

I’M NOT EMBRACING SH*T! I’m going down kicking and screaming and whining because this SUCKS!  I think the reason most women don’t talk about menopause is not because it’s taboo or clouded in mystery – it’s because they don’t want to scare the hell out of the next crop of up-and-coming menopause casualties.

So, buckle up, b*tches… and get ready for some spontaneous human combustion.

4 thoughts on “The hell fires of menopause

  1. Pingback: Hell hath no fury (aka spontaneous menopausal madness brought on by the jackassery of others) | The Farmers in the Dell BLOG

  2. I can’t stop laughing….had to read this out loud to my husband and then share it on my FB page! I’m pretty sure you’ve been living in my body! Here’s to all those of us out here who totally relate to this post!


    • I’m mystified as to how a body can feel cold and hot at the same time. If I could wear socks and just the sleeves from a shirt, I would have the perfect menopause outfit. However, I don’t think the public is ready for something like that. Til then… I suffer.


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