ground hog day - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Phil, you’re an a**hole

After weeks and weeks of subzero temperatures, ice, sleet and howling snowstorms, we all had our fingers crossed that Mr. Punxsutawney Phil would give us hope with his annual prognostication. Instead, that nefarious rodent dashed all our early spring dreams and handed down a sentence of another six weeks of winter.  And to ensure his…

high wind advisory - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

BRAmageddon Part III – Busty and Gusty

The morning started out with a slight breeze.  The flag at the barn danced gracefully in the wind.  The hay in the field gently swayed.  A few leaves tumbled from the oak trees.  Even the cows were blissfully unaware of the bad weather on the horizon. Lately, our local weatherman has consistently missed the mark…

stinging nettles - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Nobody wants a bee-hind full of nettles 

Over the years, the old-timer-up-the-road has given me a lots of advice… albeit, mostly ridiculous advice, but advice nonetheless. “Never get involved with the mafia,” he whispered to me one day in the barn, peeking over the back of a cow.  “Whaaaaat?” I replied incredulously, as my eyes rolled around a little.  “Hush, girly,” was…

peacock - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Peacock paranoia

I was making my way down a dusty back road, minding my own business, when I was startled by an Unknown Flying Object that swooped down across the hood of my SUV. I hit the brakes, came to a stop and threw the vehicle in park. “Holy sh*t, was that a dog?” I blurted out…

gelato - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Gelato, how do I love thee?

Being a mom comes with those inevitable consequences, like that 10 lbs of “baby weight” that you still have 20 years after giving birth. Or, everything that you own gradually becoming the property of others. Not remembering your real name because all you ever hear is mom, Maaahhm, mom-mom-mom, mommy, MOMMMMMMM  or my personal favorite,…

snowy road - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

I’m gonna ring that groundhog’s neck

We’ve had a relatively mild winter here in my neck of the woods.  That was until that pompous groundhog just HAD to put his two cents in and muck up the weather pattern.  No sooner did he see his shadow last Thursday, then the snow started to fall, finally culminating today with another 12 inches.…

bubbles - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

We have a situation

I’ve been sidelined with a nasty sinus infection since New Year’s Eve.  Yesterday, I finally got a little spring back into my step and was able to do some grocery shopping and run a few errands. However, that was enough to exhaust my entire body.  Achy and tired, I thought I’d take a nice soak…

john denver - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

When I start to lose my sh*t…

Going to my Lyme Disease doctor isn’t fun. I’ve never come out of the exam room skipping like a school and twirling my hair, for the simple fact that chronic Lyme Disease is a bitch.  No… it’s more than that.  It’s a bitch on steroids… with an attitude problem and a set of brass knuckles.…

burned bagel - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Burned bagels and other nonsense

I should have went right back to bed this morning after I fumbled my toothbrush, sending it ricocheting off the sink and into the toilet. Instead, I stumbled through one debacle after another.  After I fished out my toothbrush, I incinerated a bagel in the toaster because I was trying to kill a bee that…

menopause - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

The hell fires of menopause

After spending another sleepless night due to night sweats, seemingly fueled by the eternal fires of hell, I drug my fatigued and sweaty body out of bed to face the day.  I turned on the TV to watch the news, and instead, was greeted by a commercial for a menopause supplement.  The spokesperson cheerfully told…

dirt road - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Dear Range Rover Driver

Dear Range Rover Driver, Thank you for frantically waving your hands at me and banging your steering wheel while we waited at the red light that clearly stated NO TURN ON RED. I also appreciated you tailgating me while simultaneously texting on your cell phone and trying to shove a hamburger in your mouth. You were…

uncle leo from seinfeld - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

BRAmageddon: The Sequel – A Tale of Two Boobs

After being side-lined for several weeks with every virus and bacteria known to the medical establishment, my first order of business was to continue my quest for a well-fitting bra. Once again, I made the long trip to the mall.  Consumed by desperation and a bra with no support, I decided that maybe it was…

boots and gloves - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

A little sh*t never hurt no one

It was the old timer up the road on the other end of the phone line. “Where the hell is your husband?” he demanded to know. “Same place he is everyday at this time… at work,” I barked back. “Get up here right now and bring a flashlight and the roof rake (a 10 ft…

boots - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

When all else fails… buy shoes

After going through BRAmageddon, I was feeling a little worse for the wear.  Nothing will give you a case of the body blues, like bra shopping.  It’s quite a downer, looking in the mirror at yourself, and seeing that your boobs look like ten miles of bad road because they’re all jacked up in an…