john denver - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

When I start to lose my sh*t…

Going to my Lyme Disease doctor isn’t fun. I’ve never come out of the exam room skipping like a school and twirling my hair, for the simple fact that chronic Lyme Disease is a bitch.  No… it’s more than that.  It’s a bitch on steroids… with an attitude problem and a set of brass knuckles.…

heterchromia iridium - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

WPC: details (sectoral heterochromia iridis)

Bright sunshine brings out the details of my sectoral heterochromia iridis (aka my half-n-half eyeball).  It’s a rare mutation that only affects about 1% of the population.  Some say it’s because I ate my twin in the womb.  Others say it’s a sign of royalty.  I’m inclined to believe the latter, so I think I’ll…

three little pigs - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Happy Days at the barn

Fonzi does not like to share the feed.  He waits until Pinky Tuscadero and Richie Cunningham go get a drink of water, and then… He climbs in the feed trough… Becomes belligerent… And lays down on top of the feed.  Aaaaay!

burned bagel - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Burned bagels and other nonsense

I should have went right back to bed this morning after I fumbled my toothbrush, sending it ricocheting off the sink and into the toilet. Instead, I stumbled through one debacle after another.  After I fished out my toothbrush, I incinerated a bagel in the toaster because I was trying to kill a bee that…

hereford calf - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Full moon baby boom

Most doctors will say that there is no connection between a full moon and the onset of labor.  Talk to a farmer, and they will most likely disagree.  The old timer up the road is a firm believer – he says that if the moon can effect the tides of the ocean, then it can…

foam on strawberry leaves - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Just what the h*ll is a spittlebug?

I was recently digging around in my garden and discovered what looked like soap suds on a few leaves and stems of my strawberry plants.  Perplexed, I gave the old timer up the road a jingle.  He told me that he didn’t know what the hell I was talking about and cursed at me because…

memorial day - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Memorial Day

A white marble headstone, in the Netherlands American Cemetery, marks the grave of a man who gave his life for his country during WWII.  He was killed on February 23, 1945 during the battle of the Roer River.  He was just 22 years old.  His ultimate sacrifice will not be forgotten.   Our flag does…

menopause - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

The hell fires of menopause

After spending another sleepless night due to night sweats, seemingly fueled by the eternal fires of hell, I drug my fatigued and sweaty body out of bed to face the day.  I turned on the TV to watch the news, and instead, was greeted by a commercial for a menopause supplement.  The spokesperson cheerfully told…

stuffed peppers - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Sausage stuffed peppers recipe

I love Stove Top Stuffing.  If I had my choice, it would be considered a main dish.  Alas, my family does not agree with me.  So, the next best thing is to stuff something with Stove Top.  I’ve had this recipe for sausage stuffed peppers since I was married almost 23 years ago and it’s…

peacock - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

I hit a peacock with my SUV

I was making my way down a dusty back road, minding my own business, when I was startled by an unknown flying object that swooped down across the hood of my SUV. I hit the brakes, came to a stop and threw the vehicle in park. “Holy sh*t, was that a dog?” I blurted out…

dirt road - TheFarmersInTheDell.com

Dear Range Rover Driver

Dear Range Rover Driver, Thank you for frantically waving your hands at me and banging your steering wheel while we waited at the red light that clearly stated NO TURN ON RED. I also appreciated you tailgating me while simultaneously texting on your cell phone and trying to shove a hamburger in your mouth. You were…