Nipples. Everybody’s got ’em. If I want to see them, I can just look in the mirror. No big deal. They are, after all, just nips. However, I do not like being constantly bombarded by them. Popping up all over. Slippin’ out. I understand that a well-placed nip can be a very powerful tool, capable…
THE “HERE A PIG, THERE A PIG, EVERYWHERE A PIG, PIG” INCIDENT The piglets arrived. I quickly learned that they are deceivingly fast – I mean NASCAR fast. And nearly as impossible to catch. You wouldn’t think that a big-eared, fat-bodied, stumpy legged animal could have such an unbelievable amount of horsepower under the hood…
Why am I posting a picture of my JACKASS? Please, read on… Four hours. FOUR hours spent on the phone, being transferred from one government agency to another. Two hours on hold. TWO hours listening to the same 132 second music soundbite. Over and over and over. 54 times. Yes, I counted. After one hour…
Donkeys… their stubbornness is legendary. They don’t want to do something – game over. Come back tomorrow and try again. But there’s more to these animals then them just planting their feet in the ground and refusing to move. They’re loyal, gentle, and protective. So, when the little guy arrived, it was an exciting time.…
Tommy: “What you do, is you put your shoulder into her and you push.” Paul: “And?” Tommy: “They fall over!” Paul: “This doesn’t strike you as kind of… dumb?” Tommy: “We’re family. We’re going to be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait ’til Christmas.” Tommy: “You keep your feet shoulder width apart. Stay between…
Groundhogs are usually cute. However, this winter, I have taken a particular dislike to the one they call the “seer of seers, the prognosticator of prognoticators” – Mr. Punxsutawney Phil. As we sit here and await the arrival of the fourth winter storm in two weeks, I have decided that Phil needs to apologize. He…
After a long day, complete with an unfortunate incident involving a deer and my vehicle, I have concluded that I no longer want to be an adult. I am officially resigning as a grown-up and immediately reverting back to a time when the most important things were: Splashing in mud puddles Snow days The ice…
Ah, goats… nature’s garbage disposal and self-appointed farm vandals. Given the opportunity, they will eat everything in their path. Mostly, it’s stuff I don’t want them to eat, like the bucket handle, the sprayer on the hose, the feed scoop, a roll of paper towels. You get the picture. With their incredibly sharp teeth and…
Have you ever eaten a cupcake in the bathroom? I have. After a long week of absolute disasters, total calamities and countless near-misses, I decided to give into my inner Tastykake demon. I wheeled into the convenience store and made my way right to the Tastykake display. There it was, in all its glory –…
The Farmers in the Dell 