I’m no prude, but would you please put your nipples away

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Nipples.  Everybody’s got ’em.  If I want to see them, I can just look in the mirror.  No big deal. They are, after all, just nips.

However, I do not like being constantly bombarded by them.  Popping up all over.  Slippin’ out.

I understand that a well-placed nip can be a very powerful tool, capable of incredible, hypnotic feats.  That’s why they should only be brought out publicly on special occasions, like for example, if they’re being used as a hostage negotiation tool (“You won’t take me alive!  Hey look..  a nipple!!”).  But now, the common nip is making an appearance on the home page of major internet news sites.

The reason for my nipple exhaustion is simply this:  I’m checking the news for NEWS, like who’s running for president or how the stock market is doing for the day.  Not who’s had a nip-slip or posted a picture with little stars covering them up.

If you want to free them – go right ahead.  I’m no nipple-chondriac.  The nipple is responsible for some great things, like nursing babies, padded bras and the Playboy mansion.  It’s just that with all the important stuff going on in the world today, the nipple is the least of my concerns.  And unless you’ve got something that I don’t, then I really don’t care to constantly see them.

Maybe I’m just more upset with the news outlets, than the nipple.  After all, I’ve never been harmed by a rogue nip.  I simply don’t view them as very newsworthy.

So listen up news people!  Nipples are simply not that interesting.  Please post educational, enlightening and informative news for your readers.  We’re smarter than you think.

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