Farm Rules
Rule 1: Do not complain that the barn “stinks.” Poop smells. You know it… I know it… even the cows know it.
Phil, you dirty ‘ole bast*rd
In my neck of the woods, we’re used to snow… and lots of it. We’re used to biting winds and grey skies. We’re used to slippery back roads. We’re used to frozen fingers and frostbitten noses. We’re used to plowing the barnyard with the tractor at 2am and chiseling frozen cow sh*t from the barn…
The little Christmas tree
Every year, around the middle of December, in a snow covered field along a quiet country road, a little Christmas tree decorated with a tin foil star and a lone red ornament appears. At sunset, a solar battery powers a single strand of white Christmas lights that shine brightly in the darkness of the surrounding…
Can’t get my sh*t together
Lately, I’ve lost my shit. And it seems to be ALL over. And try as I might, I can’t get my shit together. Just when I have most of it scooped up and in a bucket and I think I’m on the verge of getting my shit together… the bucket springs a leak, and then…
WARNING: Adult Language
Me: It’s huge. It’s too big. STOP! The Farmer: You wanted it. Me: I didn’t think it was this freakin’ big. The Farmer: Just push it in and stop complaining. Me: I’m not complaining! I just don’t think it’s gonna slide in easy. The Farmer: Just give it a good shove. Me: You’re stronger… you…
The Meno-pocalypse hot flash
Understanding the Meno-pocalypse Hot Flash in 10 easy steps
Winter weary
Here’s the story… It’s April 20th and it’s still snowing in my neck of the woods. Not flurries, but measurable S.N.O.W. Enough snow that school was delayed. Enough snow to cover the green spring grass. Enough snow that the animals said screw this sh*t and wouldn’t come out of the barn today. April has been a…
The toilet paper made me do it
When, during the course of my trial, the prosecution asks why I did it… please make sure the jury sees this photo.
Sunset on the farm
… and watch the sun turn purple pink
Out here with the wild things
I am happy out here. Messy hair, dirty feet and wild water on my skin. Out here with the wild things; this is where I belong. – Brooke Hampton
Oh, h*ll no!
I officially quit winter! If you need to find me… I will be drunk, somewhere on a tropical beach, wearing nothing but sunscreen.
The icy grip of Mother Nature
Nor’easter #3 brought frigid temperatures and high winds, but thankfully, only about eight inches of snow this time. Schools once again closed and the plows spent most of the day running back and forth along the roads clearing the snow drifts. Since it’s no use trying to fight Mother Nature, I decided to embrace the…
I’d rather be mowing hay
Another Nor’easter rages outside my window. The winds are howling, the snow is falling and the temperature is dropping. Oh, how I’d rather be mowing hay in the summer sunshine!
Another Nor’easter
In my neck of the woods, snowstorms are a common occurrence. Six inches of snow is just a dusting. Twelve inches of snow is a nuisance. Eighteen inches of snow is a slight inconvenience. Even a Nor’easter that dumps twenty inches of snow and knocks out the power for a few days is taken in…
Just don’t grow up so fast
There’s only so much sand in the hourglass…
So don’t grow up so fast
The Farmers in the Dell 